Online Custom «Why Do Some People Seek to Always Have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend, to Never for a Moment Be Without One» Essay Sample
Today, every person who lives in a society feels the need to be surrounded by other people. The fear of loneliness accompanies many individuals from a very young age. Being under the protection of family and friends from the early childhood, everyone is aware that to be alone in this big world is unbearably difficult and almost impossible. The sense of the need to be with someone leaves an imprint on the minds of people throughout their lives. Often, this motif is one of the main things that drive one in the process of building his/her romantic relationships. The psychologists have repeatedly drawn attention to this phenomenon, trying to understand its nature, causes, and consequences. Despite the fact that the emotional dependence on the existence of a romantic partner is the subject of many studies, it remains a mystery.
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The existence of the need to have someone close beside him/her is an axiom grafted to each person since childhood. The prevailing social customs give many people a reason to believe that having a loved one is a norm, deviation from which makes one abnormal, different, and not fitting into the general canons. However, apart from the nature of traditional thinking, this principle has a psychological basis. Such social standard may cause discomfort for the human, a subconscious desire to comply, sometimes even to the detriment of his/her interests. Moreover, many people may consider themselves handicapped in case of the absence of a loved one, can lower their self-esteem, and engage in self-flagellation due to it. In this case, the social aspect of human existence puts one in the particular framework and the fear of not fitting into it causes discomfort and fear in humans that form a constant need for the presence of someone close nearby.
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Considering the cases when a person breaks his/her romantic relationship, it is possible to stumble upon two opposing views concerning further development of events. Some people think that after the break-up, an individual must restore his/her emotional state and go through the rehabilitation period before beginning a new relationship. They denounce the hasty start of a new romance because a person has not yet recovered from old wounds that can threaten the success of a new relationship. Such behavior, which is aimed at finding someone new in life, is often explained with one’s fear of loneliness, the desire to raise the self-esteem after a break-up, or even can be considered a way of revenge.
The second opinion states that the desire to find someone shortly after the rupture can cause a positive effect. Brumbaugh and Fraley (2015) argue that a new relationship can not only raise the level of self-esteem but also help to get rid of painful feelings, and fill the spiritual emptiness. Moreover, the nature of the rebound relationship may not necessarily yield to the relations after a long break, so it also has a high chance of success. Besides, those who do not start new relationships for a long time, begin to close in themselves, putting psychological barriers between themselves and the new people (Brumbaugh & Fraley, 2015). Based on this view, it can be claimed that some individuals tend not to be alone for a long time and are looking for new persons to become close and restore their emotional state. They are looking for someone to escape from the disastrous previous experience with the former partner.
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This idea is also found in others psychological researches. For example, Spielmann, MacDonald, and Wilson (2009) believe that the beginning of a new relationship soon after the break-up not only contributes to emotional recovery but also can reduce affection for ex-partner, diminish the feelings of anxiety, anguish and the lack of the presence of this particular person in his/her life. In addition, authors point out that aspiration to find a new partner may be caused by one’s desire to prove to himself/herself and others that to find a new romantic partner is unproblematic, in other words, a person tends to prove his/her desirability by others. The fact of starting new romantic relations in a short time after the break-up raises an optimistic mood, and may be a part of the processes of adaptation and restoration after parting (Spielmann et al., 2009). This view suggests that some people are looking for new partners and avoid long periods of solitude for reducing the time of recovery from the separation process and making it less painful. Using this approach, one can achieve this goal, but that does not make it fair to the new partner, who is used as a distraction, or as a remedy for the depression. One common feature can be traced in these studies, which indicates the person’s need to deal with loneliness to achieve the state of comfort, to forget the past failed relationship by filling the voids and replacing the negative memories with new positive ones.
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Nevertheless, if one looks at the issue from the other side, it is clear that some people are simply afraid to be alone. Many individuals see in the absence of romantic partner merely negative aspects that oppress and scare them. That is what drives them in the ongoing search for a life partner for not being alone. People use to think that loneliness is wrong; this is what they definitely need to fight with it, thereby not understanding its natural character. Moreover, some individuals just do not realize that loneliness can give them many opportunities. It provides one a space for self-realization and personal growth, which make it possible to focus his/her energy and attention on the individual needs, plans, without adjusting to other people's opinions and interests (McBride, 2011). It is a perfect time to think about the reasons of past failures and the ways how to avoid them in the future.